where did my confidence go to? no, im not wallowing in self pity i just constantly feel like im not good enough and this is eating me up. dont know how to put this. life just isnt good.

we havent talked for a very long time. i suppose its my fault cause im the one who did all the mean things to you. on any other day if you'd ask me, i'd say i dont care but today i just happened to read the notes you posted on facebook in 2009. it just brought back so many memories and it got me thinking.. so much drama within those 3 years.in 2009, we were still talking. you were my best guy friend. i know i always say you are an asshole and you totally piss me off all the time, but you knew me so well. i have to admit,its not that i didnt like you. i just wasnt sure whether i did or not.i think the reason why i couldnt get myself to accept you was cause of my insecurity. i was afraid i couldnt fit into your social circle that i wasnt "cool" enough.that we wouldnt last, i just wanted to play hard to get. plus the fact that you did everything that i hated.you did everything you said you wont. you broke every promise you made to me. you made me think that my opinion didnt matter so why would i wanna be with you when in fact you made me feel my opinion meant so little? you know what, if you were to quit smoking, quit being a clubber, i would actually be nice to you? smoking, clubbing.. you did it all dude. in your note, you said smoking was such a turn-off and you even swore to stop smoking on oovoo. do you even rmb? but as time passed, guess where it ended up.. idk sometimes i confuse myself.i tell everyone i know what an asshole you are, how much i dislike you and how much i dont give a fuck about you, but i guess deep down i do and nobody knows this. i dont like you that wat but. you have always been there for me and.i dont wanna lose a friend like you. guess i alrdy did. we dont talk anymore. and i know deep down that this time its different, this time you wont come back like the many other times. you didnt wish me happy birthday this year. i made you give up hope on us and i even lied to you behind your back. you forgave me time and again but i just blamed you all this time. im sorry. you will never read this but im sorry.im sorry i couldnt reciprocate the way you hoped i would. i didnt treasure our friendship. dumbo is sitting right in front of me and it reminds me of our lost friendship.just so you know, it was good knowing you and it was good while it lasted. its a pity we're not able to be part of each other's life. but i know you'll be so much happier. thanks for the memories. last time i'll ever talk about you.

this year just literally blew past. one whole year.. and to be honest, i've no idea what have i achieved or done good. i'm glad(from the bottom of my heart)that i survived promos and it was like having this sudden sense of achievement cuz i'd honestly thought i would be one of the people retaining. i just want to get my study mode back. i know how important it is to work hard and doubly hard for me since im not as smart as other people but i've just been so lazy these days.. bumming around doing nothing. this has to stop, i tell myself i gotta do something but i end up doing nothing and i feel so useless somehow. have you ever felt like you lacked this certain drive or maybe you call it passion? im lacking in some sort of burning passion and determination to do this. i've to face this : there is no more time. not anymore if i continue lazing my holidays away. i dont want to be the loser next year. i need to do my thing get my mojo back and feel good about myself again.

i've everything i want in my life. friends,check.family, half check. money, check. studies, ATM check. but sometimes i still feel like i have nothing. i know my friends and all are not going to leave me, but sometimes i just have security issues i cannot deal with. i constantly feel threatened by the possibility that they might not like me, or what do they think of me?, will they leave me? you might say its stupid to feel that way/dont be so oversensitive but believe me, i've tried to shrug this off but deep down inside me, i do feel that way.

p/s.  why is my face like that? my pimples are hideous though they're healing. pimples you srly need to gtfo my face :"(

i miss you

uploaded a whole shitload of old photos onto facebook last night and man, while flipping through all those pix.. it made me miss my mum a lot. a whole bloody lot. we looked so happy then. aww the good ol times and i actually rmb quite a lot of them.

celebrated someone's birthday yesterday! will post after i get the pictures. great day with the girls. anw everyone just go to kbox! only 8 bux super cheap (Y)

p.s. back to school tomo omg gonna be a stupid mugger today. GO ME!

a love like that

gossip girl season 4 is coming soon. chuck bass better not die or im abandoning the show 4ever.

life would be perfect if you had.............

friends like this

and

.

.

.

a boyfriend like that

LEIGHTON IS MY IDOL. she is so fucking pretty

look at my cloudy nails!

omg breakfast at coffee club sucked. if anyone sees this, please do not go there! food looks so good on pictures but it tastes like crap. had a good time with jz looking forward to next friday!

and...... only a few more hours to someone's birthday

p.s. the yog song is ridiculously addictive. i checked, its called everyone.

raise your hand for our generation,living out your aspiration, time to fly way beyond the skies~

and that steve appleton guy looks kinda cute. awesome.

bcuz i like the way it hurts

good mood good mood! went back to NC yesterday, had a great time with my girls. im finally done with stupid eom srly took me sucha long time! meeting my jz tomo. starting the day with pancakes at coffee club then we're gonna have yogurt and this and that. :o oh and not forgetting manicure! awesome shitz siaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

feeling so so lazy to go to school tomo especially when its the day with the worst timetable of the week. 1hr30 mins of H1 is gonna drive me mad ;( friday come come plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

luvin my polka dots! lets just hope this week will zoom past so we'll have our 4 days holiday!!! no actually its 5 since i've decided to skip school on friday. damn friggin happy??? I LUV NATIONAL DAYYYY oh and someone's birthday is coming soooooon *winkwink* hi boyfriend r u reading this? (:

dont settle for just anyone. settle for THE one

p.s. totally luv my polka dotta nails!

have you ever felt like pang sai when you stood next to someone super pretty? feel like digging some hole and jump into it. um, and never come out ;O

i can put james morrison's you give me something on replay forever. looking forward to flea on sat so much! shopping is always the best retail therapy. bought a tub of frolick on the way home just now. ah so blissful i shall go do my hw now

people change in 2 mins

tumblr is awesome

put your bitchface on

tell me about it.

lesson 1 : you get nothing, abso-fucking-lutely nothing for being nice

note to self : BUT how people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours. breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

things will get betterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im gonna go take some panadols now :D

p.s. my right eyelid keeps twitching i hope nothing bad happens

sneezing like my head is gonna burst. doing econs and sneezing away like some loser ;( i have 2 essays to complete and 1 case study to go. looks like im not gonna have any sleep tonight. ah fuck feel like shit tonight

chuck bass u r so hot

awesome buys at the flea today! met up with my jz. subway and yami yoghurt is luv.

staying over @ couz place tonight. need to start studying soon.

p.s. i feel tired and want to sleep every single bloody minute. sometimes i just wanna laze at home all day long. is there something wrong with me? ;(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y7W6BaNs_I

ITS SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg U R SO CUTE

i luv my display

ALERT

weejz i need to see you soon!

p.s. need to get started on my EOM now NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

im sorry

extremely sian, MUST WE REALLY DO EOM BY TUESDAY? ;( going for tuition in awhile and i slept the whole afternoon away. yes i am mad mad mad mad tired i feel so zombified

i wouldnt change a thing about it

Waking up I see that everything is okay
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry
It's so beautiful, it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliant, it makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliant, please don't go away
'Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

This innocence is brilliant, it's so beautiful, it's so beautiful
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now, it makes me want to cry

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by